i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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