you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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