Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
