I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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