I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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