Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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