Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
