I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we're so committed to being not committed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
