"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
