Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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