Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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