Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
