I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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