Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
