When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
