I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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