I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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