You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
