My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
