I smell stomach acid.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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