im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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