we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
