dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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