I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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