y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
