i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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