i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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