Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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