Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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