i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
