One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
