how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
