that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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