nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
