i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
