I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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