Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is the high leading the old right now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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