I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
