y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
