got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
