She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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