I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
