you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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