He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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