If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
did you just send me my own nude
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
