you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
