oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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