I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
