I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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