omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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