So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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