i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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