best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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