We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
