I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
