you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
