I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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