so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
