i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
