I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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