Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
