i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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