Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
