Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
