I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
