What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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