Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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