you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
