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Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
