I cut my penus on the lid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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