it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
