Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize