I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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