I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
