what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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