I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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