my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
