I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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