nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
