Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
