seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
