his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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